Fallen
by Miara
Summary: (FINISHED) The end. Please don't kill me. Album fic to Evanescence's Fallen. Kag/Inu, Inu/Kik, some Sess/Kag.
1. Going Under

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own Inuyasha, or the rights to any of Evanescence's music. Somehow, I doubt they've decided to be generous since then.

* * *

Going Under 

"She tried to kill me you stupid hanyou!" Kagome snarled as she stormed away from the idiot in question. Undeterred by her wrath, Inuyasha followed close on her heels.

"I know you don't like her, Kagome, but that's no reason to make up lies. Kikyou wouldn't..." 

His words were interrupted by a ferocious growl that raised the hair on the back of his neck. For a split second, he thought his half-brother and mortal enemy had entered the clearing, but his mistake became clear when Kagome spun to face him pain and fury mixed clearly on her face.

"Lies? Lies?" Her voice was escalating rapidly towards a scream, and his sensitive ears folded back against his head in self-defense. His almost never used instincts for self-preservation kicked in, and Inuyasha took a cautious step away from the raging teen, sudden fear shooting through him as her aura crackled through the air around them.

_ Now I will tell you what I've done for you  
50,000 tears I've cried  
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you  
And you still won't hear me  
_

"I have put up with your insults, your name calling, and your fits of temper. I have ignored you running off after that dead bitch over and over, and helped you pick up the pieces afterwards. I have protected you, and saved your stupid ass from spider heads and cannibals and even your beloved Kikyou. I didn't complain when you let her hand our half of the Shikon over to Naraku. I have been patient, and understanding, and waited for you to realize that she's not the woman you remember, and now you accuse me of lying about her?"

"Why else would you say such a thing?" Inuyasha had fallen back in shock at Kagome's sudden outburst, but as usual his own temper sparked to life, making him say things he knew he would regret later.

"Maybe because it's the truth?" Her voice was sarcastic, but beginning to lose it's strength. How many times had they been here before? she wondered to herself, suddenly tired. She shook her head abruptly. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Just forget I said anything."

"Kagome..." the sudden exhaustion in her face made him feel guilty, even through his own anger, and his voice gentled.

"Forget it Inuyasha." She sighed and her shoulders slumped in resigned defeat. "I'm going to take a bath. I need to get rid of all this dirt."

_ Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself  
Maybe I'll wake up for once   
Not tormented daily defeated by you  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom   
I'm dying again  
_

"I'll tell Sango." It was a peace offering, and they both knew it, just as they both knew he would pretend that her earlier words had never been spoken.

"Don't, Inuyasha. I need some time alone." Time alone to try once more to come to grips with this twisted love story that held them all in it's iron grip. To try to once more to rebuild the cheerful facade she tried to keep in place over the confusion and pain and fear. To try once more to learn not to love this man before her.

Maybe this time she would succeed.

_ I'm going under  
Drowning with you   
I'm falling forever   
I've got to break through  
I'm going under   
_

They had made camp near a hot spring for once. It seemed forever since she had had a warm bath, and she relaxed in the small luxury, letting the water soothe muscles still aching from the earlier battle.

_God, I can't keep this up, _ she thought, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against a convenient rock. A sad smile crossed her lips. _I thought love was supposed to be warm and fluffy and full of hearts and flowers. I didn't know it hurt this much._

She brought her hands up and covered her face. _I have to stop this. I have to break away from him before it kills me._ She knew that Inuyasha loved her. And for so long now she had been hoping that eventually, he would turn away from the shell that was all that remained of his first love and love her.

She still hoped it.

But it was killing her.

_ Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies  
So I don't know what's real and what's not  
Always confusing the thoughts in my head  
So I can't trust myself anymore   
I'm dying again  
_

Kagome loved Inuyasha.

Inuyasha loved her.

Inuyasha loved Kikyou.

Kikyou was dead.

A creature that looked like Kikyou was still walking the earth.

Inuyasha loved Kikyou.

Kagome loved Inuyasha.

Inuyasha couldn't accept that the thing wearing Kikyou's face wasn't really the woman he had loved and who had followed him into death fifty years earlier.

Inuyasha knew that the thing wearing Kikyou's face wasn't really the woman he had loved, but the guilt he felt over their deaths made it impossible for him to let her facsimile be harmed.

Inuyasha loved Kagome.

Inuyasha loved Kikyou.

Kagome loved Inuyasha.

_ I'm going under  
Drowning with you   
I'm falling forever  
I've got to break through  
_

Inuyasha wasn't going to choose. He couldn't.

_ So go on and scream  
Scream at me I'm so far away  
I won't be broken again  
I've got to breathe  
I can't keep going under   
_

"IDIOT!!!" she screamed, not sure whether she was shouting at Inuyasha or at herself. "IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT!!!" She slammed her hand against the surface of the water over and over, sending sheet after sheet of water flying through the air, a substitute for the tears she had kept locked inside her for so long.

_ I'm dying again  
_

She spun around, sending water spraying in all directions before stopping and burying her face in her hands. Her shoulders shuddered violently.

If Inuyasha wouldn't choose, Kagome would.

Raw sounds tore from her throat as long hidden tears began to fall.

_ I'm going under  
Drowning with you  
I'm falling forever   
I've got to break through  
I'm going under  
Going under   
I'm going under  
_

Kagome cried.

*** 

A/N: Well, in the general spirit of Evanescence songfic that seems to have invaded the boards recently, I offer you this. Much angst and pain for all my victims, and no WAFF whatsoever. We see: Kag/Inu, Kik/Inu, and hints of Sess/Kag.


	2. Bring Me To Life

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own Inuyasha, or the rights to any of Evanescence's music. Somehow, I doubt they've decided to be generous since then.

* * *

Bring me to life 

Sesshoumaru regretted it the moment he stepped into the clearing, Rin and Jaken trailing after him.

Inuyasha's human wench was submerged to her shoulders in the pool he had brought Rin to bathe in. They had approached from upwind, and he hadn't sensed the human, her light scent drowned in the sulfur of the hot spring. He stopped, but before he could turn away Rin broke through the treeline and saw the bathing woman.

"Kagome-neechan!" the child trotted forward happily, pleased to see her human friend.

Sesshoumaru resigned himself to the inevitable as the human woman lifted her head, a smile crossing her face.

"Hello Rin."

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
Leading you down into my core   
Where I've become so numb without a soul  
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
Until you find it there and lead it back home  
_

Sesshoumaru was mildly disturbed.

He had withdrawn from the vicinity of the hotspring, leaving Rin to bathe in the company of the older human, but somehow, the memory of the woman's face haunted him.

Rin had been delighted with her friend's presence, so much so that Sesshoumaru had been unable to refuse her the small pleasure of bathing with the other woman. Besides, his ward needed cleaning; she had begun to reek, offending the youkai lord's sense of smell, and the woman was cleanly enough to serve as a suitable bath attendant for the girl. But even as he had informed them of his decision and withdrawn from the clearing, his sensitive nose had picked up an unexpected scent.

Tears.

The woman had been crying before their arrival. A faint memory of his father's second mate drifted through his mind, connecting reddened eyes with the human emotion of sadness, which expressed itself in noisy tears. Kagome's eyes had been very red.

Sesshoumaru was disturbed by the fact that he cared.

Why had she been crying?

_Wake me up inside Wake me up inside  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
Bid my blood to run Before I come undone  
Save me from the nothing I've become   
_

Kagome tried hard to smile for Rin.

It wasn't as difficult as she had been expecting when she first saw the young girl. Rin's cheer was infectious, making her forget for a brief time the anguish that had been consuming her.

Strange, but her first thought on seeing Sesshoumaru hadn't been fear. Was she so numb, so damaged, that she couldn't fear someone who tried repeatedly to kill her?

Rin trotted back to her, presenting her with a flower plucked from the bank. Kagome smiled, and tucked the flower behind the girl's ear.

"Now Rin looks pretty!" Her action earned her a beautiful smile.

Or maybe she just couldn't fear anyone who could raise such a wonderful child.

_Now that I know what I'm without you can't just leave me  
Breathe into me and make me real  
Bring me to life  
_

Kagome found herself reluctant to leave the spring and return Rin to her guardian. The child's presence was helping to push away the numbness that was threatening to consume her. No one could feel too unhappy in the presence of such unstoppable cheer. It reminded her that there was joy to be found in life. And how desperately she needed reminding.

_Wake me up inside Wake me up inside  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
Bid my blood to run Before I come undone  
Save me from the nothing I've become   
_

They followed the flickering light of the fire that Jaken had lit towards the camp that Sesshoumaru had set for the night. A small rabbit was roasting over the flames, stronger proof than words of the youkai lord's feelings for his ward.

Youkai needed neither warmth nor cooked food. Humans needed both.

Rin launched herself away from Kagome, wrapping her stubby arms around her protector's legs, ignoring the grumbling of the toad creature sulking in the flickering light of the flames. Kagome felt a pang shoot through her at the look in the lord's eyes as he looked down. How often had she wished to see golden eyes look at her like that?

She turned to head back to her own camp.

"Stay and eat dinner with Rin."

_Bring me to life  
I've been living a lie  
There's nothing inside  
Bring me to life  
_

Kagome found herself seated on a rotting log, a piece of well-cooked rabbit in one hand. How had this happened?

Sesshoumaru's invitation - order, she admitted to herself - had shocked her. She had been surprised earlier at the spring when he had left Rin in her care, but that was understandable. Bathing a human child was a task below the dignity of the chilly youkai lord. But allowing an extra human to take a meal in his presence? Somewhere behind the numbness that was trying to envelop her, she was stunned.

But she had accepted. She was procrastinating, she knew, but she wanted to stay with Rin a while longer, wanted to let herself be distracted from what was waiting for her back at her camp, from Inuyasha.

And so she sat across a campfire from Sesshoumaru, eating rabbit, watching Rin scamper about the clearing tormenting Jaken.

And she felt marginally better.

_Frozen inside without your touch without your love   
Darling only you are the life among the dead  
_

"Why were you crying, earlier?" The question was almost indifferent, a mere something to fill up silence.

Even though she doubted he cared, she felt the need to tell him, to tell someone.

"I've decided not to love Inuyasha anymore."

There was a moment of silence. She wasn't going to be the one to break it.

"Is it that simple?"

A bitter smile crossed her face. "It's easier than the alternative."

More silence.

"I have long believed that he was undeserving of your loyalty. I wish you luck."

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
Got to open my eyes to everything  
Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
Don't let me die here there must be something more  
Bring me to life  
_

Eventually, Kagome finished her meal and stood.

"I thank you for the meal Sesshoumaru, but I must return to my own camp. My friends will be worried about me." She bowed her thanks. His only response was a restrained nod. She turned and headed back towards the spring. She knew her camp was on the other side.

She was unaware of Sesshoumaru's eyes following her pensively as she vanished into the darkness.

_Wake me up inside Wake me up inside  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
Bid my blood to run Before I come undone  
Save me from the nothing I've become   
_

Kagome stood at the edge of another firelit clearing. She could see her friends: Shippou, curled asleep on the sleeping bag he shared with her, Sango keeping careful watch as Miroku rested, recovering from the injuries he had taken earlier.

She forced herself not to wonder where Inuyasha was.

As Kagome stood watching them, Sango's watchful eyes tracked the edge of the clearing to where she stood in the dark. A relieved smile broke across the huntress' face. "Kagome! You're finally back!"

Kagome smiled and stepped into the light.

_Bring me to life  
I've been living a lie  
There's nothing inside  
Bring me to life  
_


	3. Everybody's Fool

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own Inuyasha, or the rights to any of Evanescence's music. Somehow, I doubt they've decided to be generous since then.

* * *

Everybody's fool 

Kagome drew her sweater closer around her, shivering in the cold night wind. After her return to the camp, she had told Sango to rest, but the other woman had refused to rest while the camp sat unprotected. And so Kagome had volonteered to stand watch. 

Inuyasha hadn't returned to the camp after their fight.

She jumped at a strange noise, peering into the darkness beyond the flickering circle of the small, dying fire, searching for something, hoping she wouldn't find it.

Nothing leapt out to attack her, so she forced herself to relax. _After all Kagome, if it's not trying to eat you, you don't need to worry about it. Your job is to scream if anything threatens Sango or the others._ She drew her bow closer, reassured by the familiar feel of leather wrapped wood. _ Perfect by nature  
Icons of self-indulgence  
Just what we all need  
More lies about a world   
_   
_ That never was and never will be  
Have you no shame don't you see me?  
You know you've got everybody fooled  
_

She refused to let herself worry about Inuyasha. Much. She knew where he was after all.

With Kikyou.

The living reminder of his first love. His lost love. Forever perfect in his memory, untouchable by any living girl.

Untouchable by Kagome.

For so long she had loved him, stood beside him, comforted him, hoping quietly that one day he would look at her and see her for who she was, to see her for Kagome.

But he wouldn't. She knew that now. And it was time to put away her childish dreams and start to move on.

She just wish she knew where on was.

_ Look here she comes now   
Bow down and stare in wonder  
Oh how we love you  
No flaws when you're pretending  
But now I know   
_   
_ She never was and never will be  
You don't know how you betrayed me  
Somehow you've got everybody fooled  
_

Every time, she thought to herself. All she has to do is show up, and he chases off after her, even though he knows it isn't her.

And I watch, and I hurt. Even though I know he's going to do it.

And then he comes back, and I comfort him.

And then it all happens again.

_ Without the mask  
Where will you hide  
Can't find yourself  
Lost in your lies  
_   
_ I know the truth now  
I know who you are  
And I don't love you anymore  
_

Somehow, I've lost myself in the games I've played, the lies I've told myself, the pretense that some day, if I'm patient, and if I love him quietly, that he'll see me, that he'll love me.

I've tried so hard to be someone he'd want that I've let myself forget who I am. When was the last time I went home? When was the last time I let my self be with my family without feeling guilty, like I was letting him down? When was the last time I did anything without thinking about what he would want first?

And I don't want to live like that anymore. I want myself back. I want to be Kagome.

_It never was and never will be  
You don't know how you betrayed me  
Somehow you've got everybody fooled  
_

In another world, another time, maybe we could have been together. But it's here and now, he doesn't love me, and I can't fool myself anymore.

It's time.

I'll figure it out.

I have to.

_ Never was and never will be  
You're not real and you can't save me  
Somehow now you're everybody's fool  
_   
***   
A/N: No, this isn't how I see the relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome. But you can tell yourself some really strange things to try and get over a relationship. So take it as that more than a realistic depiction of their relationship in the manga.


	4. My Immortal

A/N: To everyone who's reviewed, thanks. It's nice to feel appreciated.

And to Queen of Blades: sorry. This is a concept fic. 11 angst-filled chapters, one to each angst-filled song on the CD Fallen by Evanescence. Consider it my attempt to purge the songs that have been living in my head for the last month. :P

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing, you hear me? Not even the lint under my bed.

***

My Immortal 

Inuyasha had smelled her scent even before he returned to the camp after the fight with Kagome.

And so, exhausted by the day's trouble, he went to her.

_ I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone  
_

Kikyou was standing in a clearing, the moonlight shining down on her, making her look like an angel. His angel.

He remembered their first kiss, on a night much like this one, in a clearing near her village.

He still loved her. He thought that maybe he always would.

This wasn't Kikyou. He knew that. But she looked like her, shared all of her memories. And when she came to him, when he stood in her presence, he couldn't help but remember. The joy and the pain. The love and the loss.

_ These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

He knew that his love for the once-dead miko hurt Kagome, something he regretted with every breath he drew, but the presence of Kikyou's walking image made it impossible for him to forget what they had once shared.

How could he forget, with such a vivid reminder in front of him.

Some memories can't be forgotten. Some things time couldn't heal.

_ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
_

He stood and watched the image of his dead lover as her soul-stealers drifted into the clearing, bringing her the fuel she needed to keep her magically animated body living.

His Kikyou would never have done such a thing. She would have been appalled by the thought. She had been so determined to purify the Shikon, to render it harmless, to place it forever out of the reach of the demons she fought on a near daily basis. She would never have volontarily become a demon herself.

He remembered comforting her after one battle. Kikyou had accepted her duty as a miko, as guardian to the Shikon no Tama, but she had never managed to fully abandon the dreams of a young woman: dreams of love and family, dreams of peace and comfort impossible for one such as her. Some nights, she would cry despairing tears and force herself not to use the Shikon to wish herself anywhere but where she was.

He had thought to save her. To wish himself human and save them both.

_ You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
_

She had been the first person since his mother to love him, to treat him as anything other than a monster. Behind her duty and her power she had been full of life, and laughter, and love.

She had captured his heart with her courage and gentle laughter, and he had loved her beyond anything he could have imagined. Had dreamed of making a home with her, of happy, laughing children with her soft brown eyes.

And then Naraku had deceived them, and she had killed him. And followed him into death rather than live without him.

And now she had followed him back into life.

He wondered sometimes if the pain would one day drive him insane. If it already had.

_ These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

Naraku's cruel act of deception had caused so much pain. Was still causing it.

Kikyou.

Kagome.

Inuyasha.

_ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
_

It would be easier if he didn't love them both.

Kikyou, his first love, for whom he had been willing to become human. Who had died for him.

Kagome, his new love, to whom he wished he could give himself wholeheartedly.

He wished he knew what to do. How to give both of them everything they deserved. He wondered if even the all-powerful Shikon no Tama could manage that.

_ I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along  
_

He was trying to accept, truly accept, that the figure before him was merely a shade of the woman he had first loved, a distorted shadow that he needed to destroy to save the other woman he had come to love.

Because as much as he wished he could believe otherwise, he knew Kagome had been telling the truth.

This Kikyou-not who stood before him had tried to kill her.

And deep in his heart, Inuyasha knew it wasn't the first time.

Kikyou, his Kikyou would be appalled by what she had become.

Kagome was in danger from this living representation of her previous life. His previous life.

And he teetered between them, torn between the memory of the past, and the possiblity of a future. Hurting both. Capable of choosing neither.

But she looked like Kikyou.

And he still loved Kikyou. Even though she wasn't really here.

_ When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me  
_

"Kikyou."


	5. Haunted

I must have rewritten this five or six times before I came up with this chapter. It's getting harder as I work my way through the album to keep the story at least indirectly related to the songs without destroying any chance I have of a plot. I think I've got it worked out now though. I think. I hope.

Disclaimer: Last time I checked, I still didn't own Inuyasha, or the rights to any of Evanescence's music. Somehow, I doubt they've decided to be generous since then.

* * *

Haunted 

Sesshoumaru had always found the cool stillness of the night soothing. The more so now that both Rin's cheerfully energetic presence and Jaken's continual complaints about her had been silenced by the human child's need for sleep. It was the only time he had these days where he could relax in a way that the day's noise and travel never seemed allow. 

He had always done his clearest thinking while he sat and watched the stars at night. For the first time ever, though, he found himself wishing that wasn't so.

Because the night was still young, and deep within him, Sesshoumaru could feel long-denied emotions struggling to break free of his iron control. And the Lord of Western Lands was deeply disturbed by where those feelings were leading him.

_Long lost words, whisper slowly, to me  
Still can't find what keeps me here  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
I know you're still there  
_

_I've decided not to love Inuyasha anymore._

Though the human woman who had shared Rin's meal in his camp earlier was long gone, her sorrow-laden words still whispered through him.

_She is HUMAN!_

The desperate thought echoed mockingly in his mind, not nearly loud enough to drown out the memory of his immediate response to the miko's announcement. Once the mere thought of her humanity would have revolted him, but her words had brought something else to life inside him. Something new and nearly frightening that burned within him.

_Why?_ the youkai lord raged inwardly. _Why do I feel this ... this ... exhilaration? What spell has the witch cast on this Sesshoumaru that I should feel like this? Why can I not stop thinking of her?_

But for all his impassioned denials, he couldn't drown out the voice that had been born in the echos of that softly spoken confession. A voice that filled the once silent vaults of his heart, repeating as though it were a mantra.

_She is no longer HIS._

_Watching me  
Wanting me  
I can feel you pull me down  
Fearing you  
Loving you  
I won't let you pull me down  
_

The memory of her sad blue-gray eyes haunted him. Eyes that had been focused on him earlier, their touch nearly physical as she stared at him through the flickering flames of the fire.

Watching him.

_No,_ he corrected himself. _She was not seeing this Sesshoumaru. She was seeing HIM._ Seeing Inuyasha.

Her eyes had been full of the need to love and to be loved that burned inside her. _How_ could the idiot hanyou have turned away from the naked passion in those eyes?

How, when even he, Sesshoumaru could not resist their pull? When even he, Sesshoumaru wanted nothing more than to take away her sadness and replace it with joy? Wanted to see her watching him, those beautiful eyes filled with the love they had once held for his half-brother?

And now it seemed he had a chance at something he had never before admitted, even to himself, that he so desperately desired.

But twin to the burning exultation was another newborn emotion, one equally unpleasant for the youkai lord.

Fear.

Sesshoumaru's experiences of love had been few, far between, and never pleasant. His mother had claimed to love her mate, who had in turn deserted her for a human, his hated younger brother's mother. And the child Sesshoumaru had watched helplessly as his beloved mother wasted away, unable to help her no matter how hard he tried.

And then there was his father. The great lord Inutaisho, who had been lead by that traitorous emotion called love to desert his sworn mate, to cast off his youkai alliances in favor of a human wench. And who had died for his weakness, when his mate's brother came to avenge her dishonor and death.

Died, leaving his greatest treasure not to his eldest son, the one who would take up his legacy and defend his lands, but to the bastard son who hated him.

Love was not to be trusted. Especially love for a human.

_Hunting you, I can smell you, alive  
Your heart pounding in my head  
_

He returned to awareness of his surroundings only to realize that he was staring off in the direction Kagome had taken when she departed. She was out there. He could sense her. Could still smell her her light floral scent rising from the branches she had brushed through.

Teasing him.

Taunting him.

Tempting him.

Previously unknown instincts railed at him, demanding that he rise and hunt her through the night. He would track her until he had run her to ground, they insisted, until he was so close he could feel her heart beat against his own.

_No!_

_Wanting me  
Fearing me  
I can feel you pull me down  
Saving me  
Raping me  
Watching me  
_

Fear.

Desire.

He could feel the unfamiliar emotions pulling at him, taking him over. Remolding him into some new shape.

Haunted blue eyes lit by the flickering glow of a fire hovered at the edge of his mind.

_No!_

_Watching me  
Haunting me  
I can feel you pull me down  
Fearing you  
Loving you  
I won't let you pull me down  
_

With a furious snarl Sesshoumaru leapt to his feet, crossing the clearing in a single bound to cuff Jaken on the head and waken him.

He would _not_ let this insanity continue, he swore to himself. He would _not_ repeat his father's mistakes. 

He would _not_ love a human.

He would _not_.

"Jaken tend Rin."

The toad creature leapt to his feet, eager to please his master. "Of course, Lord Sesshoumaru!"

Sesshoumaru ignored the scurrying of his retainer as he strode off towards the camp he knew lay through the darkness. Soon this insanity would be over. He would rid himself of the images haunting him. He would find the human miko Kagome and he would destroy her. Her would rip out her heart and leave her corpse to feed the scavengers.

And with her death, he, Sesshoumaru, would be free.

*** 

A/N: Poor puppy. So oblivious. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. *grins a very evil grin* 


	6. Tourniquet

A/N: Well, I'm a bit unhappy with this chapter, because, let's face it, none of the characters in Inuyasha are going to be Christian. With the exception of Kagome, they don't even know what Christianity is, and given her grandfather, I suspect she's been raised Shinto/Buddhist. Oh well. We'll pretend.

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially dumdeedum, whose review was just what I needed to cause me to get off my butt and finish this chapter.

* * *

Tourniquet 

She could sense him watching her as she waited for her servants to return through the night with the souls she needed to fuel the body she now inhabited. Her miko senses were as acute in death as they had been in life, and they fairly screamed at the presence of her hanyou ex-lover.

Should she call him out of the shadows? she wondered. Before she could decide, she was distracted by a pale glow drifting through the trees. It was once of her soul gatherers returning from it's nightly hunt with a freshly dead soul.

Inuyasha was forgotten as she raised her arms, greeting the winged beast. It flew directly into her chest, penetrating the dirt and ash form before releasing it's captured treasure. Kikyou seized the spirit before it could begin to drift, shredding it and integrating it into the complicated matrix of the spell sustaining the golem. Her eyes closed on a rush of relief as the energy reinforced the complicated magic, lessening the constant strain that maintaining her last link to this world placed on her power.

Once, she would have sought out and destroyed any creature guilty of the destruction of innocent souls. That was before she had sacrificed nobility in her quest for vengeance.

_I tried to kill the pain  
But only brought more  
(So much more)  
I lay dying  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal_

More soul gatherers returned, laden with the spirits of the dead, and Kikyou relaxed into the feeding, feeling herself grow stronger with every new soul she absorbed. Flickers of thoughts not her own washed through her, the dying gasps of spirits that would never be reborn. 

As she fed, she could see the deaths of her victims. Could feel the emotions of the souls rush through her as she consumed them. And briefly, she was filled with something other than the hatred and anger that had been her constant companions since her resurrection.

And their memories roused her own.

_I'm dying  
Praying  
Bleeding  
Screaming_

She had died once. Had bled to death not a hundred feet from the place where she had pinned the lover she believed had betrayed her to a tree. And she had felt relief that she would not be forced to live with the pain of his betrayal and the shattering of her dreams.

She had never imagined that she would be resurrected to walk the world she had left behind, much less that she would do so stripped of any emotion but the hatred she had felt for Inuyasha as she died of blood loss and a broken spirit.

Misplaced hatred. She knew that now, that her hatred had been misplaced. It didn't change anything. She was a mere memory of what she had been, and that memory was of the pain and hatred she felt at the hanyou who had betrayed her. 

Fortunately, it seemed that she had enough hate to expend some on Naraku too.

_Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost?_

The part of her that had once been a miko, the protecter of her small village and of the Shikon no Tama was appalled by what she had become.

How was it that she had become what she so hated in life? How was it that she didn't seem to care? Had she lost her way that badly?

The answer to that was simple as well. The other one. Her reincarnation.

_My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation_

Kagome.

Kagome, who had all the good that had been a part of she who was Kikyou: the gentleness, the compassion, the love.

Kagome, who had everything Kikyou had lost.

Would things have been different if the future girl had not managed to reclaim the major part of her soul? Would she be able to feel the emotions she could still remember? Would Inuyasha still be with her?

"Kikyou."

The familiar voice pulled her out of her bitter thoughts, and she turned to face the hanyou as he emerged from the shadows of the trees.

_Do you remember me?  
Lost for so long  
Will you be on the other side?  
Will you forget me?_

"Inuyasha." Her voice was level. It always was now. _My love. My hate._

_What do you see when you look at me Inuyasha? _ She wondered bitterly. _Do you see the woman you once loved? Or have you forgotten me as you trail after my reincarnation?_

_I'm dying  
Praying  
Bleeding  
Screaming_

"Have you come to fulfill your promise to me, Inuyasha?" she asked coolly. "Or do you wish to wait a while longer." 

_Am I too lost to be saved?  
Am I too lost?_

A small part of her, the part that was still being affected by the emotions feeding had roused in her wondered what she was doing.

_My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation_

"Kagome told me you tried to kill her today." His voice was flat, but she could see the pain in his face as he watched for her reaction.

"Oh?"

"Did you?" It was phrased as a question, but she could tell that he already knew the truth. He wouldn't be here if he didn't.

"What do you think, Inuyasha?" She wouldn't make this meeting any easier for him. It was too much fun to watch him suffer.

"She's your reincarnation, Kikyou. Why would you want to kill yourself?" He answered her question with his own.

"Perhaps that would be why." Bitterness filled her not-answer. She saw him wince at her words.

"Gods, I wish..." he trailed off, leaving the wish unspoken. For several seconds he was silent.

"She's so much like you were." There was immense longing in his voice. Longing for what once and might have been.

_(Return to me salvation)  
(I want to DIE)_

For a split second, she thought of simply letting go her efforts to remain in this world. It would be possible, she knew. All she had to do was release the constant vigilance that kept the spiritual energy animating her form contained. One lapse of willpower and she would be free. Returned to a form that Inuyasha loved.

_My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation  
My God my tourniquet  
Return to me salvation_

She pulled herself away from the momentary temptation, and smiled coldly at Inuyasha's back, sure that he would once again succumb to the guilt she knew he felt. 

"But she isn't me, is she."

The vengeful, hateful part of her was pleased by the pain that had his shoulders stiffening under the lash of her words. The part that remembered being in love wanted to run away from the first.

Both were surprised by what happened next.

_My wounds cry for the grave  
My soul cries for deliverance.  
Will I be denied?  
Christ tourniquet my suicide. _

In one swift motion, Inuyasha turned to face her, and she saw that the pain had been replaced by determination. Before she could react, his left hand was coming up, lashing out towards her.

"Claws of Blood" The words were ground out in a voice that cracked. Dark liquid flew across the space between them.

"NO! Inuyasha!" Shocked, she tried to step back, to dodge, but it was too late. The spelled blood tore into her, shredding the spell that maintained her body, and she collapsed to the ground.

"I'm sorry Kikyou," she heard Inuyasha say, and suddenly his warm arms were lifting her, holding her even as she felt herself disintegrating. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill Kagome." She was losing the battle to keep her body intact now. Her soul stealers broke free of her weakening mental grasp and flew rapidly away.

"Inuyasha..." her voice faded with her strength and her thoughts. What was it she had been trying to say?

"I love you Kikyou." She could hear his tears in the whispered vow. "And when this is over, when Naraku is dead, I'll come join you in hell. I promise."

Her vision began to fade, and she could feel her body dissolving around her, freeing her soul to return to it's new home in Inuyasha's new love.

_Thank you Inuyasha, my love._

It was her last thought.

***

A/N: Be honest now. How many of you saw _that_ coming?


	7. Imaginary

A/N: Well, here we are again. Thanks to all my reviewers. It's very gratifying to know someone likes what I've written enough to tell me so :)

Disclaimer: To riff on part three: never mine and never will be.

* * *

Imaginary 

_Paper flowers_

It was time.

Kagome rose from her position near the fire and crossed quietly to her bag where it lay by her kitsune-occupied bedroll, trying not to wake her sleeping companions.

There was something she needed to do, now, before she lost her nerve.

Carefully opening the backpack, she shifted the contents around, digging down to the bottom where her goal lay carefully concealed. Her fingers closed over the stiff cardboard, and she withdrew her prize.

_I linger in the doorway  
Of alarm clock screaming monsters  
Calling my name  
Let me stay  
Where the wind will whisper to me  
Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story_

Returning to her previous position, she rubbed her fingers over the cover of the book she had retrieved, as she had done many, many times before.

Reluctantly, wishing she could go on without this need for a final revisiting of the love she was finally leaving behind, she began flipping through the pages, examining their contents.

Drawings.

Poems.

An origami rose, carefully folded.

All the ornaments and effusions of a teenager in the throes of her first love.

She hesitated at one page, remembering the scene depicted, an image of Inuyasha's human form sleeping on the terrifying night when he had been forced to reluctantly share his greatest secret.

_You smell good,_ he had told her then, his voice a whisper._ Wait a minute! You said you hated my scent! Well ... I was lying._

Was that when she had fallen in love with him? she wondered, not noticing as tears fell and washed the lines of ink away.

_In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_

Slowly, rhythmically, she turned the stiff paper sheets, smiling at the memories contained between them even as her tears continued to fall. She let herself wallow in the memories they conjured. Lingered nostalgically over the dreams they had captured.

She had written that poem when she had decided to go back to Inuyasha after seeing him with Kikyou. 

Was that when she had begun to build her fantasy that one day Inuyasha would be hers?

_Don't say I'm out of touch  
With this rampant chaos your reality  
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge  
The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

She had always known that Inuyasha loved Kikyou, even before the priestess had been resurrected. It had been one of the first stories Kaede had told her. But still she had dreamed.

Maybe that was it. Maybe she had always known that Inuyasha would never truly be hers, and that was why she had been able to love him so passionately. Because there was no risk of him returning her feelings.

Or was the truth much simpler than that? Had she merely been refusing to admit to herself the truth that she now saw so clearly?

Had she built a dream of the future to avoid the reality of unrequited love?

_In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_

How many hours had she poured into this paper shrine? she wondered. Stolen hours in the night, long after Sango had fallen asleep in some room Miroku had swindled, or in the future on one of her increasingly rare visits to her family.

She had poured her soul into her work as she dreamed fluffy pink dreams of Inuyasha and love and their future.

Drying her eyes, she tore the first page out and tossed it onto the embers of the evening's cookfire, watching impassively as it shriveled into ashes and lifted away on the updraft.

And then the next page.

And the next.

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming  
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights  
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming  
The goddess of imaginary light_

Long after the last of the pages had been swallowed by the dying flames, Kagome was startled when Sango woke and sat up.

"Are you all right?" she asked, crossing to kneel by her friend. Sango smiled.

"Yes. But it seemed like you could use some rest, so I'll stand watch until dawn. You sleep."

Kagome smiled forcedly. It was true that she needed to rest after the day's traumas, but she didn't want to face the dreams she knew would come. Resigning herself, she crossed to her bedroll, nudging Shippo to one side of the mat and curling herself around the sleeping kit.

Nestling down, she closed her eyes and prayed to sleep dreamlessly.

She had drifted to the warm edge of unconsciousness when she heard a rustling in the bushes. _Inuyasha?_ she wondered vaguely. She pushed the thought away and was rapidly nearing oblivion when she heard Sango cry out.

Startled, Kagome rolled over and opened her eyes. As the situation broke in on her she leapt to her feet, grabbing her bow as she rose and swiftly drawing an arrow.

There was a lizard youkai in the clearing with them, hissing and facing off against the exterminator. Sango had her boomerang out, but the creature was moving too quickly for her to get a shot at it.

Kagome nocked the arrow to her bowstring, but before she could draw it the youkai's tail lashed out, knocking her bow out of her hands. She felt a solid thud against her stomach and instinctively brought up one hand to cover the damaged area. The pain faded and she looked down.

At first her mind refused to process what her eyes were seeing.

_In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_

"I'm ... bleeding?"

_Paper flowers_

* * *

A/N: Writing this story is a *lot* harder than I thought it would be at first. The music I'm writing to is wonderfully angsty, but let's face it, angst is a one shot, not a plot for a chaptered fic. And I keep wanting to wander off in directions the structure doesn't allow. Oh well. It's been good for 'The Bargain', which I've finally restarted work on.

With that thought, I'd like to get on a bit of a soapbox, because I'm still pissed off about a conversation I had earlier today.

The reason I stopped writing for several months is because I was suffering from major depression. I was almost non-functional for about three of those months, and when I started drawing pictures on my skin with a knife I decided it was time to get myself to a doctor and try medication since I obviously wasn't pulling out of it on my own. So now I'm drugged into happiness and I probably will be for a large chunk of the rest of my life: it was my third episode (I'm in my mid 20's) and the probability of my having another is now around 90%.

And now the preaching: if you know someone who's depressed, try to help. Do some research online to find out what the best way to do it would be, talk to a counselor, whatever. Even if all you can do is to make sure they know you care whether they live or die, it matters more than you can believe. And if they end up on anti-depressants, don't treat them as though they're "giving up" or "copping out" by taking medication instead of "just getting their act together". It's not that f*cking easy. Trust me. I've done it both ways and I know. *gives her brother the finger and gets down*


	8. Taking Over Me

A/N: Sorry this is so short and took so long. I kind of wrote myself into a corner on my way to this song, and this is all I could come up with.

Disclaimer: You know, I know.

* * *

Taking Over Me 

Sesshoumaru stalked along the delicate scent of night-blooming jasmine, tracking his prey through the trees. His single hand clenched around the hilt of Toukijin and red bled slowly into the whites of his eyes.

He was hunting.

_ You don't remember me   
But I remember you  
I lie awake and try so hard   
Not to think of you   
But who can decide what they dream?   
And dream I do_

Somewhere hidden in the darkness ahead of him was the woman he was determined to kill.

He doubted it would stop the dreams.

_ I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe   
You're taking over me_

Ever since that first meeting in his father's tomb, he had dreamed of her. Over and over he had found himself enthralled by her defiantly flashing grey eyes, melodious voice. He had replayed times beyond number her quick understanding of his relationship with Inuyasha, and her courageous stand against his venom. Thank the gods he had failed.

Though he would never admit it even to himself, more than once since then he had gone in search of his half-brother simply so he could see her again. And some quiet, never quite subdued part of him took pains to make sure she was never truly injured.

Those encounters had been all he dared expect of her.

_ Have you forgotten all I know  
And all we had   
You saw me mourning my love for you   
And touched my hand   
I knew you loved me then_

It had been an axiom in his life: humans don't love youkai. Even his father's second wife had looked at her mate with loathing, having been forced into their union by an ambitious father who wanted an alliance with the great youkai lord.

But now Sesshoumaru knew that it wasn't true. Humans could love youkai.

After all, Rin loved _him_.

_ I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe   
You're taking over me_

When he had believed Kagome was beyond his grasp he had been able to ignore his foolish dreams. But Rin loved Sesshoumaru, Kagome had given up on Inuyasha, and long repressed desires were slowly eating away at the icy bonds of the youkai lord's control.

He had to destroy her, now, before this idiotic obsession consumed him completely.

_ I look in the mirror and see your face  
If I look deep enough  
So many things inside that just like you   
Are taking over_

What would he see if he looked at his reflection in a mirror now, he wondered. Would he still see himself in the silvered glass? Or would he see a reflection of his father?

Was this how it had started for Inutaisho? Had he dreamed of his human female until he dared try and capture her? Had her face hovered before him even during his waking hours? 

Sesshoumaru growled deep in his throat: he refused to let himself be taken over by his emotions the way his father had been.

He would learn from his father's mistake.

_ I believe in you  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
I have to be with you to live to breathe   
You're taking over me_

The night's silence was broken by shouting and the sudden sounds of a melee fight. Battle trained reflexes kicked in and without pausing to think he raced forward, towards the figures he could see struggling beside the campfire that cast flickering shadows through the trunks of the trees. 

Just as Sesshoumaru reached the edge of the camp, a new scent spilled into the air. A sweet coppery tang that drowned out the fading scent of jasmine that had led him to this place.

He froze as he saw the woman he had come to kill pull her hand away from her belly and stare down at it. 

It was covered with blood.

***


	9. Hello

A/N: *blink* *blink* Wow. I have to post on Sunday night more often, if that's the kind of response I get. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and made me feel so loved. And encouraged, which is why you get this chapter after less than six weeks :-D

Disclaimer: I think the fact that this site is called fanfiction.net speaks for itself.

* * *

Hello 

A half-moon rose slowly into the sky, gently illuminating a small clearing where a white haired figure rocked and wept, cradling a pile of dirt and ashes to his chest. 

_ Playground school bell rings again_  
_ Rainclouds come to play again_  
_ Has no one told you she's not breathing?_  


"I'm sorry, Kikyou, I had to do it." Inuyasha's voice was much less certain than the words it spoke. "I had to." Who was he trying to convince, he asked himself even as he repeated the words once more. Who was there to hear him? Maybe ... 

Maybe Kikyou could hear him from wherever she existed now, he thought hopefully. He needed to ask her forgiveness, needed to hear that she could forgive him for this betrayal.

"Do you understand, Kikyou?" he asked, his voice pleading for an answer that would never come. "Please tell me you understand. I couldn't let you kill her. I couldn't be responsible for that. Please forgive me."

A rustling in the bushes brought his head up with a snap, and he stared frantically around him. A shadow drew his attention. Could it be?

"Kikyou?" he asked, and thought he saw the shadow smile.

**Inuyasha.**

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." A new wave of tears poured down his face as he tried desperately to apologize, but he refused to hide them. She deserved to see him suffer after all, for what he had done to her. "I had to. Please, Kikyou, I couldn't let you kill her."

_Hello_  
_ I'm your mind_  
_ Giving you someone to talk to_  
_ Hello_  


**But you could kill me? Again?**

"I didn't kill you last time!" he growled, his old familiar rage springing to life in the face of her unforgiving words. "It was Naraku, you know that."

**Was it? I died because you attacked my village, and I was forced to defend it. So you killed me then too, Inuyasha.**

"No! If you hadn't attacked me ..."

**But I didn't.**

"No, you didn't..." his voice trailed off pensively.

_ If I smile and don't believe_  
_Soon I know I'll wake _  
_ From this dream_  


"This isn't you!" Inuyasha screamed suddenly, lunging towards the shadow. "Come out Naraku! I'm not falling for your tricks again!" His claws found only leaves and branches, shredding them as though they were air. "Dammit! where are you you stupid demon! Show yourself." 

Silence. Stillness.

Shadows.

Inuyasha looked around, confused.

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken_  


"Where'd you go, Kikyou?" he asked in a small voice.

_ Hello_  
_ I'm the lie_   
_Living for you so you can hide_  
_ Don't cry _  


**I'm still here, Inuyasha. But I have to go soon.**

Inuyasha paused, suddenly uncertain.

"To hell?" he asked faintly.

**Of course. Isn't that why you killed me? So I'd have to go to hell alone?**

"No! You tried to kill Kagome!

**So you love my reincarnation more than me?**

"No! It's just..." his voice trailed off again. "Dammit Kikyou!" he exploded. "Why'd ya have to do it? Why'd you have to try to kill Kagome? As long as it was just me you were after, it was OK. I didn't mind, I deserve it. But Kagome ..."

**What does deserving have to do with anything?**

_ Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_  


Inuyasha was opening his mouth to respond when the sound of a distant battle snapped him back to an awareness of his responsibilites to his companions, and he sprang towards the camp he had abandoned hours before.

"Dammit!" he spit out as he moved, and then he paused to risk a brief glance over his shoulder.

"We're not done here yet Kikyou, don't go anywhere. I'll be back!" he promised.

**I'll be waiting.**

At the reassurance, he turned his mind to the battle ahead of him. _Kagome_ he thought, terrified, as he ran, _hold on, Kagome, I'm coming!_

_Hello _ _ I'm still here_  
_ All that's left of yesterday_

He broke into the clearing, Tetsusaiga in hand, ready for anything but what he saw.

The lizard beast stood on the opposite side of the camp, facing off against Sango, who was keeping it at bay while Miroku unwrapped the rosary beads restraining the Air Rip. But that wasn't what froze him in his tracks.

Behind them, he could see a white figure rapidly approaching through the trees, and he knew that it was Sesshoumaru. But that wasn't what stopped him in his tracks either.

It was Kagome.

Staring down at her hand as she pulled it away from her stomach.

Her blood-covered stomach.

He could hear Kikyou laughing.

***

A/N: Poor Inu. He kills one girlfriend to save the other, and now it looks like he's nuts and Kagome's dying anyway. *sniff* It's so tragic.


	10. My Last Breath

A/N: Well, I've made it 'round third and I'm heading home. Yay!! 

Disclaimer: Inuyasha: not mine. The music and lyrics of Evanescence: not mine. 

* * *

My Last Breath 

Kagome stared down at her blood covered hand, her mind trying to reject the evidence her eyes were giving her.

"I'm ... bleeding?"

She was peripherally aware of red and white blurs breaking out of the woods that surrounded the embattled camp site, freezing as they reached the edge of the flickering firelight, but she ignored the newcomers as she tried to deal with the dawning awareness of what it meant that she was losing so much blood so quickly.

"I'm ... dying?"

_ Hold on to me love  
You know I can't stay long  
All I wanted to say was  
I love you and I'm not afraid  
Can you hear me?  
Can you feel me in your arms  
_

The sights and sounds of battle faded, their import vanishing under this sudden new realization.

Kagome was bleeding, badly enough that she knew an artery had been hit, and that she would soon be dead. Even in her time, with all their medical technology, an injury like this would would probably be fatal.

"I'm sorry Mom," Kagome whispered, still staring at the red stain on her hand. "I didn't expect..." 

What would this do to her family? she wondered. Even with all the dangers she had already faced, all the suppressed worry she had seen in her mothers eyes, Kagome had somehow never believed it could come to this.

Would her mother ever forgive herself for having allowed her daughter to make her risky journeys into the past? Would Souta ever forgive himself for having thought this was nothing more than a great adventure? Would her grandfather blame himself for not having succeeded at blocking the well that time so long ago?

Another thought crossed her mind, horrifying her for a moment. Would her family ever find out what had happened to her? Would Inuyasha even bother to tell them? Or would they be left to wonder and hope that each knock at the door was her?

She shook the petty thought away. He would. He might not love her the way she had hoped he might, be she knew he did love her as a friend. That thought spawned another, equally painful.

Had she remembered to tell her family she loved them before she left?

_ Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight  
_

She drew a breath and a burning pain stabbed through her injured side, driving the breath out of her on a muffled whimper and bringing her hand back to cradle the wound in her abdomen. She was vaguely surprised that she hadn't felt it until now. 

Amazing thing, shock, she mused. Meant to help the injury victim survive. It wasn't going to work this time though. Kagome took another breath, and felt a new wave of pain. Breathing hurt, she concluded, and held her breath to avoid jarring the injury again.

_ I'll miss the winter  
A world of fragile things  
Look for me in the white forest  
Hiding in a hollow tree   
I know you hear me  
I can taste it in your tears  
_

There were so many things she was going to miss, she thought sadly, a single tear falling from her eye. So many things she hadn't yet had a chance to do and experience.

She would never see Souta open the Christmas present that was already wrapped and hidden under her bed.

She wouldn't be there to help her friends defeat Naraku. She wouldn't get to see Miroku's cursed hand healed, and Sango and Kohaku reunited.

She wouldn't be there to help Shippou grow up into the man she knew he could be.

She would never know what it was like to be truly loved.

_ Holding my last breath  
Safe inside myself  
Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight  
_

As though the thought was an enchantment, the world around her faded away. The sights and sounds of battle were replaced by loving gold eyes laughing at her while a husky male voice spoke to her of love, and need, and joy.

Inuyasha? she wondered for a giddy moment, before remembering that his eyes never shone like that when he spoke to her. Only when he spoke of Kikyou.

Was there someone out there who would have loved her, Kagome?

Yes, there was such a man, she knew with sudden, soul-deep certainty. There was a man who would have loved her for who she was, not for who she had once been, and it was him she was seeing in this vision, this last tantalizing glimpse of what might have been before she left this life for the next.

_ Closing your eyes  
You pray your dreams will leave you here  
But still you wake and know the truth   
No one's there  
_

Would he even know that she had existed? she wondered. Would the man who was meant to love her travel through life alone, always seeking the woman who was the other half of his soul? Or would he find another woman to love and cherish? 

She hoped he would, prayed he would, even as she imagined his strong arms wrapping around her and pulling her to rest against his firmly muscled chest, heard the sound of his strong heart beating in her ear. She didn't want him to suffer because of her mistakes.

Kagome wished more than anything that she could believe she would open her eyes and wake up to discover that this was no more than a wonderful, horrible dream, but she knew it wasn't going to happen.

She could close her eyes, and open them as many times as she wanted, and she would still be dying. And alone.

_ Say goodnight  
Don't be afraid  
Calling me, calling me, as you fade to black.  
_

"I'm sorry!" she called in her mind to her unknown lover when she felt the dream begin to dissipate as the pain in her body drew her back to reality. "I'm sorry I'll never get to meet you, to know you. I love you, be happy!"

She thought she heard him call her name as his golden eyes faded away, leaving her alone in a deepening field of red-tinged black.

_ (Say goodnight) Holding my last breath  
(Don't be afraid) Safe inside myself  
(Holding me) Are all my thoughts of you  
Sweet raptured light  
It ends here tonight  
_

Another searing pain ran through her as her suffocating lungs expanded, fulfilling her body's demand for oxygen. The sharp stabbing pulled her out of the remains of her dream, and suddenly she was back in the forest clearing, surrounded by sound and movement. The howl of the Air Rip rang in her ears, drowning out the screams emitted by the lizard youkai as it was drawn in. Relief that her friends were safe washed away the last of her strength.

The grey tunnel that preceded oblivion coalesced around the edge of her vision, blurring away the aftermath of the battle, and Kagome felt herself begin to fall.

***

A/N: 10 down, 1 to go. I'll try to get it out over the weekend, job willing.


	11. Whisper

A/N: Please don't kill me.

Disclaimer: Only the plot is a product of _my_ twisted imagination. Everything else is a product of someone else's.

* * *

Whisper 

Kagome lay on the cold ground, blood pouring from the gaping wound in her side.

A strange detachment crept over her and she watched the activity around her as though it were nothing more than a movie.

Sango, standing over her opponent, a horrified look on her face as she saw her friend fall.

Shippou, screaming and running out from the grass he had been hiding in.

Miroku, turning to see what had affected Shippou.

Inuyasha, who had managed to catch her before she fell, his face washed with pain and tears. She found that she could feel sorry for him, for what this would do to him.

And at the very edge of the clearing, a glimpse of white.

_ Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself  
This truth drives me  
Into madness  
I know I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away  
If I will it all away  
_

Kagome could see faces hovering above her, hands coming out to touch her, arms that held her close.

Shippou.

Sango.

Inuyasha.

Miroku.

She could see their mouths moving in slow motion, but she couldn't hear their voices. The white silence in her mind washed everything away.

She was dying now, she realized with a sudden shock.

No! she thought, flinching away from the obvious truth. She wanted to howl, to scream her defiance, but she was too weak, and growing rapidly weaker.

_ Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)  
_

Ignored by Kagome's weeping friends, Sesshoumaru slowly turned away from the blood-soaked clearing. Was this not why had he come?

Before he could retreat back into the dark forest his hand fell to the sword slung at his side.

No. That was just a lie he had told himself. So why was he leaving?

He turned back. Kagome's friends were gathered around her fallen form. He watched as they frantically tried to stop her bleeding, begging her not to die. He was drawn closer almost against his will until he loomed over them, staring down into her strained face.

She shouldn't look like that. Shouldn't be in so much pain.

He saw her eyes flicker over her friends. Saw them lock briefly on him. They were glazing over rapidly, their light draining away with her blood.

_ I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be  
Blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain   
If I will it all away  
If I will it all away  
_

Kagome was terrified. She could feel herself dying, could feel her blood draining away. She couldn't feel her feet anymore, or her hands, and the numbness was creeping upwards, towards her stuttering heart.

She tried to stay motionless, as though death would overlook her if she stayed still, like an animal hoping a predator would pass it by as it cowered in the shadows. But she knew it wouldn't miss her. Soon, she thought she would be dead. She didn't want this!

_Mama_, she thought, _I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you_. Tears filled her eyes as she thought of her family, 500 years and a memory away.

_ Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)  
_

Sesshoumaru drew the Tensaiga. He paced forward, brushing the monk aside, his attention locked on the pallbearers appearing out of the shadows.

Utter determination filled him. His father had left him this healing sword. He would use it. He didn't need to justify it. Even to himself.

The pallbearers were nearly at the body. Kagome's body. Inuyasha was lurching to his feet, lunging towards his half-brother even as Sesshoumaru swung, Tensaiga's blade vibrating as it slashed through the otherworldly creatures, severing their heads in a single swoop.

Reflex had the youkai lord batting his younger sibling aside effortlessly, his entire being concentrated on the fallen priestess. An unexpected chill shot through him. When he had resurrected Rin, it had been almost instantaneous. Why wasn't Kagome responding?

His fingers closed more tightly around the hilt of the sword.

_ Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for   
I rise to meet the end  
_

Ice crept through Kagome, chilling her to the bone and washing away the pain. Suddenly she was floating. She could hear her friends whispers now, could see them clustered closely around her, but she couldn't feel, couldn't speak, couldn't move.

Sudden peace washed through her. Dying wasn't so bad, after all, she thought contentedly. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt no pain. She wished she could share the knowledge with her friends, but she knew it was too late. She regretted the pain she knew they would feel, but only remotely. Everything seemed remote now, distant.

Dimly, through rapidly fading sight, she saw Sesshoumaru draw his sword, saw him cut through the air over her, and she felt a sudden tug. The sensation frightened her, and she tried to draw away as she realized what was happening.

The youkai lord was trying to resurrect her!

She was being dragged inexorably back to her body, back to life, and she didn't want to go. She wanted to rest, to escape the torment her life had become. She struggled frantically, trying to free herself from the force that was dragging her back to the body she had so recently left.

She had almost won free of the tenacious energy when it intensified, and she suddenly realized what it was. Or rather, who it was.

It was Sesshoumaru.

He was fighting her desire to die. Desperately. Dragging her away from oblivion as though his own life depended on it.

For a moment shock overpowered her and she stopped fighting. Why was he fighting her? Why wouldn't he let her go?

And what was she going to do about it?

She realized that she had nearly been dragged back into her body while she tried to process the situation, and she started to fight again, reflexively, but much of her previous conviction was gone. Sesshoumaru wanted her back this much?

_ Don't turn away (Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide (Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)  
_

Golden eyes watching a resurrected human child by the light of a campfire flickered through her memory, and she abruptly surrendered, stopping her struggles and letting him drag her back to life.

With a snap, Kagome could feel again, could move. She pushed herself to one elbow, ignoring the joyful clamouring of her friends and the fading jolt of pain that shot through her. Her voice was a rasping whisper.

"Sesshoumaru."

_ Don't turn out the light (Never sleep never die)  
_   
***  
A/N. And that's it. Imagine where it goes from here. It's the end of the album, and I'm out of music. If there's enough demand, there will be a sequel although it will have to share muse-time with 'The Bargain'. There WILL NOT be any songfics involved. In any of my stories. Ever again. 


End file.
